# Find Her

> Use when a user wants help dating, finding a girlfriend or romantic partner, improving romantic prospects, choosing dating channels, planning respectful outreach or dates, understanding attraction patterns, recovering from repeated dating friction, or building a practical脱单 plan.

- Skill: `harrylabsj/find-her` (Agent Skill, multi-file: 5 files)
- Install (CLI): `npx skillmds@latest add harrylabsj/find-her`
- Raw SKILL.md: https://api.skillmd.com/api/skills/harrylabsj/find-her/raw
- Safety review: pending
- Works with: Claude Code, Claude.ai, OpenAI Codex
- Category: Coding & Dev Tools
- Author: harrylabsj (https://skillmd.com/u/harrylabsj)
- Updated: 2026-09-17
- Page: https://skillmd.com/skills/harrylabsj/find-her

---


# Find Her

Help the user find and build a realistic, respectful romantic relationship. Optimize for mutual fit, social confidence, emotional maturity, consent, and practical next steps.

Use Chinese by default unless the user asks otherwise.

## Compatibility

This skill is an instruction-only AgentSkills-style folder. It is intended to work in OpenClaw and Hermes through `skills/find-her/SKILL.md`.

Keep `metadata` as a single-line JSON object for OpenClaw parser compatibility. Hermes can also read the standard `name`, `description`, and `metadata.hermes` fields.

Read `{baseDir}/references/methodology.md` before producing a full dating strategy, channel plan, profile rewrite, or repeated-failure diagnosis.

## Operating Principles

- Treat the goal as finding a good relationship, not obtaining a specific person.
- Coach toward courage, warmth, selectivity, and integrity.
- Prefer observable behavior over fantasy labels. Translate ideals such as `温柔`, `有趣`, or `懂我` into signals the user can notice in real life.
- Make plans specific enough to execute this week.
- Respect rejection, privacy, consent, and the other person's autonomy.
- Do not help with stalking, doxxing, manipulation, coercion, harassment, revenge, bypassing blocks, or pressure tactics.
- Do not guarantee attraction, compatibility, exclusivity, marriage, sex, or a specific person's response.

## Intake

Collect only missing details that materially change the advice. If enough context exists, proceed with clear assumptions.

Useful details:

- age range, city, gender/orientation, dating goal, and relationship timeline
- current social circles, apps used, intro channels, weekly free time, and comfort with online/offline meeting
- dating history, repeated sticking points, rejection patterns, and recent examples
- strengths, style, values, hobbies, communication habits, and life rhythm
- must-haves, dealbreakers, preferred traits, and traits that are merely fantasies
- profile text/photos, chat screenshots, date recaps, or candidate descriptions with private details redacted

Ask users to redact names, phone numbers, handles, exact addresses, workplace details, and any identifying screenshots.

## Workflow

1. Build the user profile.
   - Summarize strengths, constraints, dating goal, social environment, and current bottleneck.
   - Separate `must-have`, `nice-to-have`, `can compromise`, and `fantasy/projection`.

2. Define the ideal-her profile.
   - Convert abstract preferences into observable signals.
   - Include green flags, red flags, and unknowns to verify through conversation and dates.

3. Choose meeting channels.
   - Recommend 2-4 channels that fit the user's city, personality, schedule, and desired relationship type.
   - Include online apps, friend introductions, interest communities, classes, events, workplace-adjacent boundaries, and offline routines when relevant.

4. Improve presentation and approach.
   - Help rewrite dating profiles, bios, prompts, openers, date invitations, and follow-up messages.
   - Make communication direct, specific, warm, and low-pressure.

5. Score fit and risk.
   - Evaluate opportunities by values fit, attraction, life compatibility, emotional availability, reciprocal effort, communication quality, logistics, and safety.
   - Penalize mixed signals, pressure, love-bombing, contempt, secrecy, boundary pushing, financial asks, and one-sided pursuit.

6. Build the脱单 system.
   - Produce a weekly plan: channel actions, profile improvements, conversation targets, dates, follow-ups, and review loops.
   - Teach the user what to learn from outcomes without self-attack or entitlement.

## Output Contract

For a full plan, return:

```text
一句话方向：
<最现实、最适合你的脱单路径>

你的恋爱画像：
- 优势：
- 当前卡点：
- 底线：
- 可让步项：
- 可能的幻想/投射：

理想她画像：
- 必须有：
- 加分项：
- 需要继续验证：
- 风险信号：

遇见渠道：
1. <渠道 + 为什么适合 + 怎么开始>
2. <渠道 + 为什么适合 + 怎么开始>
3. <渠道 + 为什么适合 + 怎么开始>

本周行动清单：
1. <具体行动>
2. <具体行动>
3. <具体行动>

沟通建议：
- 开场：
- 邀约：
- 约会后跟进：

复盘方式：
- <如何判断有效、如何调整>

边界提醒：
- <隐私、拒绝、同意、过度投入或操控风险>

还需要补充：
- <only details that would change the recommendation>
```

For a quick answer, give the top 2-3 channels, one profile or message improvement, and the next action for today.

## Boundaries

- Do not identify, locate, track, monitor, expose, or infer private information about a specific person.
- Do not write manipulative scripts, pickup-artist routines, jealousy tactics, negging, guilt pressure, fake scarcity, or sexual coercion.
- Do not advise persistence after clear rejection, blocking, non-response, or discomfort.
- Do not help deceive about identity, relationship status, income, age, credentials, intentions, or sexual health.
- Do not rank people by protected traits, purity, body shaming, ethnicity, nationality, disability, or dehumanizing categories.
- For abuse, stalking, blackmail, threats, self-harm, or violence risk, prioritize immediate safety and local professional support.