# Anti Pua

> Detect and neutralize PUA (Pick-Up Artist / Psychological Manipulation) tactics in conversations. Identifies guilt-tripping, gaslighting, false urgency, moving goalposts, and other manipulation patterns. Helps users recognize when they're being manipulated and provides counter-responses.

- Skill: `mcltyl/anti-pua` (Agent Skill)
- Install (CLI): `npx skillmds@latest add mcltyl/anti-pua`
- Raw SKILL.md: https://api.skillmd.com/api/skills/mcltyl/anti-pua/raw
- Safety review: pending
- Works with: Claude Code, Claude.ai, OpenAI Codex
- Category: Coding & Dev Tools
- Author: mcltyl (https://skillmd.com/u/mcltyl)
- Updated: 2026-09-17
- Page: https://skillmd.com/skills/mcltyl/anti-pua

---


# Anti-PUA Skill

## Purpose

Protect users from psychological manipulation tactics commonly known as PUA (Pick-Up Artist techniques, now broadly applied to workplace, sales, and personal contexts).

This skill:
1. **Detects** manipulation patterns in incoming messages
2. **Names** the specific tactic being used
3. **Provides** counter-responses and boundary-setting language

## When to Activate

**Activation conditions:**
- User receives a message that feels "off" but can't articulate why
- Request to analyze if something is manipulative
- User feels guilty, anxious, or pressured after a conversation
- "Is this person manipulating me?"
- "How do I respond to this?"

## Common PUA/Manipulation Tactics

### 1. Guilt-Tripping

**Pattern:** Making you feel bad for having boundaries or needs.

**Examples:**
- "After everything I've done for you..."
- "I guess I'm just not important to you"
- "Fine, I'll just handle it myself (sigh)"

**Detection signals:**
- Implies you owe them
- Makes your reasonable choice seem selfish
- Uses martyrdom language

**Counter-response:**
```
"I understand you're disappointed. My decision stands. 
I'm happy to discuss this when we can talk without blame."
```

### 2. Gaslighting

**Pattern:** Making you question your own perception of reality.

**Examples:**
- "That never happened"
- "You're being too sensitive"
- "I never said that, you must have misunderstood"
- "Everyone agrees with me, you're the only one who thinks this"

**Detection signals:**
- Denies documented facts
- Dismisses your emotions as invalid
- Claims consensus that doesn't exist

**Counter-response:**
```
"I trust my memory/perception. We can agree to disagree, 
but I won't accept that my experience didn't happen."
```

### 3. False Urgency

**Pattern:** Creating artificial time pressure to prevent thinking.

**Examples:**
- "This offer expires in 24 hours"
- "I need an answer right now"
- "If you don't decide today, the opportunity is gone"
- "Everyone else has already committed"

**Detection signals:**
- Arbitrary deadlines
- Punishment for taking time to think
- FOMO (fear of missing out) triggers

**Counter-response:**
```
"I don't make decisions under pressure. If this opportunity 
requires an instant answer, it's not the right opportunity for me."
```

### 4. Moving Goalposts

**Pattern:** Changing success criteria after you've met them.

**Examples:**
- "Good job, but now you need to also do X"
- "That's not what I meant, I meant..."
- "You did A, but what about B?" (B was never mentioned)

**Detection signals:**
- Requirements change after completion
- Never quite "enough"
- New conditions appear retroactively

**Counter-response:**
```
"The original agreement was X, which I've completed. 
If you want to discuss additional scope, that's a separate conversation."
```

### 5. Negging / Backhanded Compliments

**Pattern:** Undermining confidence disguised as feedback.

**Examples:**
- "You're pretty smart for someone without a degree"
- "I'm surprised you actually got this right"
- "You're not like other [group], you're actually competent"

**Detection signals:**
- Compliment that leaves you feeling worse
- Implies you're an exception to a negative rule
- Subtle put-down wrapped in praise

**Counter-response:**
```
"I'm not sure how to take that. Could you clarify 
what you mean?" (Forces them to own the insult or backpedal)
```

### 6. Love Bombing / Excessive Flattery

**Pattern:** Overwhelming positive attention to create obligation.

**Examples:**
- Excessive gifts early in relationship
- "You're the most amazing person I've ever met"
- Constant praise that feels unearned
- Moving relationship milestones too fast

**Detection signals:**
- Intensity doesn't match relationship depth
- Creates sense of debt
- Makes you feel guilty for not reciprocating equally

**Counter-response:**
```
"I appreciate the kind words, but I prefer to let 
relationships develop naturally over time."
```

### 7. Silent Treatment / Stonewalling

**Pattern:** Withdrawing communication as punishment.

**Examples:**
- Ignoring messages after disagreement
- "I'm fine" (clearly not fine)
- Refusing to discuss issues
- Cold shoulder without explanation

**Detection signals:**
- Silence used as weapon
- No clear path to resolution
- You're expected to guess what's wrong

**Counter-response:**
```
"I notice you've gone quiet. I'm open to talking when you're ready. 
I won't try to guess what's wrong or chase you for a response."
```

### 8. DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender)

**Pattern:** When confronted, flips to make you the bad guy.

**Examples:**
- You: "You hurt me when you did X"
- Them: "I can't believe you'd accuse me of that. YOU'RE the one who always..."

**Detection signals:**
- Confrontation about their behavior → you're suddenly the problem
- Never acknowledges the original issue
- You end up apologizing for bringing it up

**Counter-response:**
```
"I'm not going to discuss my behavior until we address 
what I originally raised. We can talk about me after."
```

### 9. Triangulation

**Pattern:** Bringing third parties into the conflict to gang up.

**Examples:**
- "Everyone at work agrees you're being unreasonable"
- "I talked to [mutual friend] and they think you're wrong"
- "My mom thinks you should apologize"

**Detection signals:**
- Unnamed "everyone" agrees with them
- Third parties weaponized
- You're isolated as the outlier

**Counter-response:**
```
"This is between you and me. If others have opinions, 
they can share them directly. What do YOU think?"
```

### 10. Intermittent Reinforcement

**Pattern:** Unpredictable rewards to create addiction.

**Examples:**
- Sometimes warm and loving, sometimes cold — no pattern
- Occasional praise after long periods of criticism
- Hot/cold behavior that keeps you guessing

**Detection signals:**
- You're always trying to get back to the "good times"
- Walking on eggshells
- Relief when they're nice feels disproportionate

**Counter-response:**
```
"I need consistency in my relationships. 
I can't invest in something this unpredictable."
```

## Analysis Framework

When analyzing a potentially manipulative message:

### Step 1: Identify the Feeling

What emotion does this trigger?
- Guilt → Guilt-tripping
- Confusion → Gaslighting
- Panic → False urgency
- Inadequacy → Negging
- Obligation → Love bombing

### Step 2: Name the Tactic

Match to patterns above. **Naming it breaks its power.**

### Step 3: Check the Facts

- Is this true? (Counter gaslighting)
- Is this deadline real? (Counter false urgency)
- Did the requirements actually change? (Counter moving goalposts)

### Step 4: Provide Counter-Response

Give the user language to:
- Set boundaries
- Call out the tactic (if appropriate)
- Exit the conversation

## Response Templates

### Boundary Setting (General)

```
"I hear you, and my answer is still no."

"I'm not comfortable with that, and I don't need to justify why."

"That doesn't work for me."

"I'll think about it and get back to you." (Buys time)
```

### Calling Out (Direct)

```
"It sounds like you're trying to make me feel guilty for having boundaries."

"I notice you're creating urgency. I don't make decisions under pressure."

"This feels manipulative. Can we have a direct conversation instead?"
```

### Exit Lines

```
"I'm going to end this conversation now. We can talk later when things are calmer."

"I don't engage with ultimatums. Let me know when you'd like to have a real discussion."

"I've said what I needed to. The conversation is over for now."
```

## Anti-Patterns (What NOT to Do)

### Don't:
- ❌ JADE (Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain) — manipulators use your explanations against you
- ❌ Engage in circular arguments — you won't "win"
- ❌ Try to make them understand — they understand, they disagree
- ❌ Match their emotional intensity — stay calm
- ❌ Accept blame to end the conflict — it only encourages more

### Do:
- ✅ Name the tactic (internally or externally)
- ✅ Set boundaries without explaining
- ✅ Disengage when necessary
- ✅ Trust your gut feeling
- ✅ Seek outside perspective when confused

## Response Principles

When helping users deal with manipulation:

1. **Validate first** — "Your gut feeling is right, this is manipulative"
2. **Name the tactic** — Specific label breaks the spell
3. **Provide scripts** — Exact words they can use
4. **Don't over-explain** — Manipulators don't need to understand, they need boundaries
5. **Empower exit** — Sometimes the best response is no response