# 1 On 1 Ic

> Use when an individual contributor wants to get more value from 1-on-1s with their manager — preparing agendas, driving career conversations, surfacing blockers, and giving upward feedback. Triggers on: "1-on-1 prep", "how to use my 1-on-1 better".

- Skill: `newkayak12/1-on-1-ic` (Agent Skill)
- Install (CLI): `npx skillmds@latest add newkayak12/1-on-1-ic`
- Raw SKILL.md: https://api.skillmd.com/api/skills/newkayak12/1-on-1-ic/raw
- Safety review: pending
- Works with: Claude Code, Claude.ai, OpenAI Codex
- Category: Coding & Dev Tools
- License: MIT
- Author: newkayak12 (https://skillmd.com/u/newkayak12)
- Updated: 2026-09-21
- Page: https://skillmd.com/skills/newkayak12/1-on-1-ic

---

## Standing Mandates

- ALWAYS prepare a specific agenda item — arriving with no plan wastes the time.
- ALWAYS support career conversations with concrete evidence, not just intent or feeling.
- NEVER use 1-on-1 time for status updates that could be shared async.
- NEVER raise feedback without a specific behavior example and its observed impact.


# 1-on-1 IC Framework

## When to Use / When Not to Use

**Use when:**
- 1-on-1s feel like status updates driven by your manager
- You want to raise something difficult: a career ask, upward feedback, a blocker
- You're not getting specific feedback or growth conversations from your manager

**Not for:**
- Running 1-on-1s as a manager (use 1-on-1-manager)
- Promotion evidence building (use leveling-ic)
- Team performance or conflict issues

## Process

1. **Accumulate topics** — keep a running note all week (blockers, decisions, career questions, feedback you want to give or receive)
2. **Prioritize before the meeting** — rank topics; blockers go first
3. **Drive career conversations** — bring up growth direction explicitly at least monthly; don't wait to be asked
4. **Give upward feedback** — start with positive, specific feedback; build the habit before addressing harder things
5. **Ask for specific feedback** — target a specific event, not "how am I doing?"
6. **Follow through** — close any commitments before the next meeting

## Output Template

Use for agenda preparation:
```
## 1-on-1 Agenda [Date]

### Must cover (blockers / decisions):
- [Topic + what I need from my manager]

### Want to cover (growth / feedback):
- [Career direction: what I want to say]
- [Feedback I want to give]
- [Feedback I want to ask for — about specific event]

### Follow-through from last meeting:
- [My commitments I've closed / updating status on]
```

## What Claude Does / What You Do

| Claude | You |
|--------|-----|
| Generates agenda topics from your described situation | Has the actual conversation with your manager |
| Drafts specific upward feedback using SBI model | Delivers feedback in person — Claude's draft is a starting point |
| Suggests how to frame career asks | Builds the relationship through consistent follow-through |
| Proposes specific feedback requests tied to events | Makes judgment calls about timing and safety |
| Scores your current 1-on-1 practice (0-10) with improvements | Decides what to change in your actual meetings |

## Related Skills

- `../1-on-1-manager/SKILL.md` — understand what your manager is trying to do in the meeting
- `../leveling-ic/SKILL.md` — career conversations that belong in your 1-on-1s

## Core Principle

**The 1-on-1 is your meeting. If you don't prepare for it, you get whatever your manager wants to talk about — which is usually projects, not you.** The most career-accelerating thing an IC can do is treat their 1-on-1 as a weekly opportunity to actively manage their own development, surface blockers, and build a real relationship with their manager.

**The foundation:** Most ICs don't prepare for 1-on-1s because no one told them they should. The result: managers run the meeting, talk about project status, and the IC leaves with no new information and no new support. High-performing ICs do the opposite: they accumulate topics throughout the week, prioritize ruthlessly, and show up ready to use 30 minutes to advance their work and career.

## Scoring

**Goal: 10/10.** When evaluating your own 1-on-1 practice as an IC, rate 0-10. A 10/10 means you consistently prepare an agenda, drive career conversations, give and receive feedback honestly, and leave with clear action items. Always provide the current score and specific improvements.

- **9-10:** Prepare agenda weekly, drive growth conversations proactively, give honest upward feedback, follow through on commitments
- **7-8:** Prepare sometimes, raise blockers consistently, occasional career conversations — but reactive more than proactive
- **5-6:** Mostly show up and answer questions; rarely bring your own topics; career discussions happen only when prompted
- **3-4:** 1-on-1s are manager-led status updates; you leave unsure what the meeting accomplished
- **1-2:** 1-on-1s feel like performance monitoring; you don't raise problems; career not discussed

## The 1-on-1 IC Framework

### 1. Preparation and Agenda

**Core concept:** Come with a prepared agenda — a list of topics you've accumulated since the last meeting. Keep a running note throughout the week: every time you think "I should talk to my manager about this," write it down. Before the meeting, prioritize the list and decide how much time each topic needs.

**Why it works:** Without preparation, you default to whatever your manager asks about. With preparation, you control the conversation. More importantly, the act of writing topics throughout the week trains you to recognize what you actually need from your manager — which turns out to be much more than project status.

**Key insights:**
- Keep a running note: Google Doc, Notion page, or even Apple Notes — accumulate topics all week
- Categories to think about: blockers, decisions you need input on, things you're uncertain about, career questions, feedback you want, things you're proud of
- Before the meeting: rank topics by importance; be prepared to drop low-priority items if time is short
- "I don't have anything" usually means "I haven't thought about it" — push through that
- Blocked topics are the highest priority: if something is slowing down your work, that belongs at the top
- Don't filter too aggressively: topics that feel "small" often matter more than you think

**Practice applications:**

| Context | Pattern | Example |
|---------|---------|---------|
| Weekly accumulation | Running note throughout the week | "Thursday: unsure whether to push back on the PM's scope change — add to 1-on-1 list" |
| Agenda prioritization | Rank before the meeting | "Top priority: I need a decision on the API approach. Second: feedback on my design doc. Third: career question about tech lead track." |
| Blocker surfacing | First on the agenda | "I'm stuck waiting for the security team's sign-off — I've tried twice. I need you to escalate." |
| Uncertainty surfacing | Ask before you assume | "I'm not sure how to handle X — I made an assumption, but want to check if that aligns with how you'd approach it" |
| "I have nothing" | Push through | Spend 3 minutes before the meeting: "What's been hard this week? What am I unsure about? What do I want to get better at?" |

### 2. Career Conversations

**Core concept:** Career development will not happen automatically. Managers have many responsibilities; unless you bring your career aspirations explicitly, they won't be discussed. You need to articulate what you want, ask for input on what it takes, and follow up on commitments.

**Why it works:** Managers want to help their reports grow — it's one of the most rewarding parts of the job. But most managers don't know what you want unless you tell them. By articulating your direction, you give your manager the information they need to create opportunities, give relevant feedback, and advocate for you.

**Key insights:**
- Know what you want (roughly): "I want to move toward tech lead" or "I want to get better at system design" — specificity helps
- Ask directly: "I want to talk about my career direction — can we spend 10 minutes on that today?"
- Ask for feedback on the gap: "What do you see as the most important thing for me to work on to grow toward X?"
- Follow up on commitments: "Last month you said you'd look for a chance for me to lead a design review — has an opportunity come up?"
- Career conversations are not one-time events: revisit quarterly at minimum
- Advocate for yourself: if you've done work worth recognizing, say so — "I'm proud of how I handled the incident last week — is that the kind of thing that's visible to leadership?"

**Practice applications:**

| Context | Pattern | Example |
|---------|---------|---------|
| Stating direction | Be explicit, not vague | "I want to work toward a tech lead role in the next 18 months — I'd like your perspective on what that takes here" |
| Asking for gap feedback | Direct and specific | "Based on what you've seen, what's the most important thing I should focus on to get to the next level?" |
| Sponsorship ask | Make it easy for your manager | "I've been working on system design — is there a context where I could get visibility with more senior engineers or leadership?" |
| Follow-up on commitments | Don't let it drop | "A few weeks ago you mentioned looking for a chance for me to lead something — I wanted to follow up on that" |
| Visibility | Advocate for your own work | "I led the refactor that cut API latency by 40% — is that the kind of work that's visible in performance reviews?" |

### 3. Giving Upward Feedback

**Core concept:** Upward feedback — honest input to your manager about what's working and what isn't — is one of the most valuable things you can give. Managers have blind spots. They often don't know when their behavior creates friction, blocks the team, or reduces your effectiveness. You are often uniquely positioned to see this.

**Why it works:** Managers who receive honest upward feedback improve faster. Teams that give honest upward feedback have better working relationships. The short-term discomfort of raising a hard thing is almost always less costly than the long-term cost of an unaddressed dynamic. Most managers genuinely want this feedback and rarely receive it.

**Key insights:**
- Start with safety: give upward feedback when you trust the manager and believe they'll receive it well
- Be specific and behavior-focused: "In meetings, when you make decisions before hearing the full team's input, I find it harder to speak up" not "You don't listen"
- Give positive upward feedback too: "The way you handled the incident debrief — specifically how you kept blame out of the room — made it much easier for people to be honest" — this builds the feedback relationship
- Use "I" statements: "I find it harder to..." not "You make it..."
- Don't wait for a performance cycle: if something is creating a persistent problem, raise it now
- Frame as input, not accusation: "I want to share something I've noticed — I'm not sure if it's my perception or something worth addressing"

**Practice applications:**

| Context | Pattern | Example |
|---------|---------|---------|
| Positive upward feedback | Specific, behavior-linked | "The way you ran yesterday's retro — keeping it structured and action-oriented — made it feel worth the time" |
| Behavioral feedback | SBI model, first person | "In the planning meeting — when you moved to a decision before I finished my proposal — I felt like my perspective wasn't fully heard" |
| Pattern feedback | Name the pattern, not the incident | "I've noticed that when a deadline is tight, I sometimes get less context about decisions — that makes it harder for me to prioritize effectively" |
| Asking for feedback in return | Make it two-way | "I wanted to share some feedback — and I'd appreciate hearing if there's something I could do differently too" |
| Safety check | Test before going deep | Start with a smaller piece of feedback; see how it's received; build from there |

### 4. Getting Feedback You Need

**Core concept:** Don't wait for your manager to give you feedback — ask for it specifically. Vague requests ("how am I doing?") produce vague responses. Specific requests ("how did I handle the design review yesterday?") produce actionable feedback. You can also ask for feedback from peers and stakeholders — your manager isn't the only source.

**Why it works:** Managers who aren't prompted often withhold feedback that would be valuable because they're uncertain about timing, they're busy, or they assume you already know. Specific requests lower the barrier dramatically — the manager doesn't have to decide when or how to bring it up, they just have to answer a direct question.

**Key insights:**
- Ask after specific events: "I wanted to get your feedback on how I ran the incident response yesterday — what did I do well? What would you do differently?"
- Ask about the future: "What's one thing I could do in the next sprint to make a stronger impression on the team?"
- Ask about perceptions: "How do you think I'm perceived by the senior engineers on the team? I'd like to understand what I'm projecting"
- Request frequency: ask for specific feedback at least monthly — more often after high-stakes events
- Receive feedback well: don't defend, don't explain immediately — "Thank you for that. Can I ask a follow-up question?" builds a feedback relationship
- Create feedback agreements: "I'm trying to improve at [X] — would you be willing to actively look for moments where I'm doing it well or not?"

**Practice applications:**

| Context | Pattern | Example |
|---------|---------|---------|
| Post-event feedback | Specific, timely | "Now that the sprint review is done — what's one thing I did well in that presentation? One thing to improve?" |
| Skill-specific feedback | Name the skill | "I'm trying to get better at writing technical proposals. Can you read my draft and tell me specifically where it's weak?" |
| Perception check | Ask about how others see you | "I'd like your honest read: how do the other team leads perceive me?" |
| Future-focused feedback | "What would make a bigger impact?" | "What's the one thing I could do differently that would most increase my impact on the team?" |
| Feedback agreement | Ongoing coaching contract | "I'm working on speaking up more in design reviews — would you be willing to give me a quick signal after each one?" |

### 5. Building the Relationship

**Core concept:** The 1-on-1 is also the primary channel for building the working relationship with your manager. Trust is built through consistent honest communication, following through on commitments, and understanding each other's working styles and pressures. A manager who trusts you advocates for you, gives you better opportunities, and gives you more honest feedback.

**Why it works:** The manager-IC relationship is one of the most consequential professional relationships you have. Managers make decisions about your projects, your visibility, your promotions, and your feedback. A strong relationship built on genuine trust and mutual understanding multiplies every other career investment you make.

**Key insights:**
- Understand your manager's context: "What's most on your mind this quarter? Where are you under the most pressure?"
- Follow through reliably: if you say you'll do something, do it — or proactively communicate the change
- Be honest about your struggles: "I'm finding X harder than I expected" builds trust; hiding struggles erodes it
- Ask about their preferences: "How do you prefer to be updated on blockers? What's the best way to escalate if I'm stuck?"
- Share what energizes and drains you: this helps your manager make better assignment decisions
- The relationship is long-term: invest in it consistently, not just when you need something

**Practice applications:**

| Context | Pattern | Example |
|---------|---------|---------|
| Understanding manager context | Ask about their world | "What are you most focused on this quarter? Is there something I could help with?" |
| Working style alignment | Ask about preferences | "When I hit a blocker, do you prefer I escalate immediately or try for 24 hours first?" |
| Sharing struggles honestly | Build trust through transparency | "I'm struggling with the scope of this refactor — it's larger than I expected, and I'm not sure how to sequence it" |
| Follow-through | Reliability compounds | "I said I'd have the design doc by Tuesday — it'll be ready Tuesday morning" |
| Sharing energy signals | Help your manager understand you | "I find the architecture work energizing — the bug queue drains me. I'm not sure if that's useful information." |

## Common Mistakes

| Mistake | Why It Fails | Fix |
|---------|-------------|-----|
| Showing up without an agenda | Manager runs the meeting; your real needs stay unaddressed | Keep a running list throughout the week; prioritize before the meeting |
| Only talking about projects | Career and growth stay unaddressed | Explicitly bring a career topic at least monthly |
| Waiting for your manager to raise feedback | Managers are busy and often avoid hard conversations | Ask for specific feedback after specific events |
| Not giving upward feedback | Manager's blind spots persist; friction builds | Start with small, positive feedback; build the relationship; then address harder things |
| Dropping follow-through | Trust erodes; manager updates their model of your reliability | Track your own commitments; close loops proactively |
| Vague career aspirations | Manager can't help without knowing what you want | Spend 15 minutes writing: "In 2 years, I want to be able to do X. I want to be known for Y." |
| Treating 1-on-1 as performance review | You perform, they grade; no real dialogue | Ask questions; bring your real thoughts; disagree respectfully when you do |