# Attachment Style Mirror

> Use when someone is confused about a recurring relationship pattern, struggling with closeness or distance, or asking why certain dynamics keep repeating across relationships. Triggers on: "애착 유형", "attachment style", "불안 애착", "회피 애착", "관계 패턴".

- Skill: `newkayak12/attachment-style-mirror` (Agent Skill)
- Install (CLI): `npx skillmds@latest add newkayak12/attachment-style-mirror`
- Raw SKILL.md: https://api.skillmd.com/api/skills/newkayak12/attachment-style-mirror/raw
- Safety review: pending
- Works with: Claude Code, Claude.ai, OpenAI Codex
- Category: Coding & Dev Tools
- Author: newkayak12 (https://skillmd.com/u/newkayak12)
- Updated: 2026-09-21
- Page: https://skillmd.com/skills/newkayak12/attachment-style-mirror

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# Attachment Style Mirror

## When to Use / When Not to Use

**Use when:**
- Relationship dynamics keep repeating across different partners or contexts
- Intimacy triggers anxiety, withdrawal, or both
- Someone describes clinging, pushing away, needing constant reassurance, or shutting down emotionally

**Not for:**
- Specific communication scripts or conflict tactics
- Therapeutic intervention — refer to therapy when disorganized attachment or relational trauma is significant

## Process

**Step 1 — Gather specific relational data.** Ask about a concrete situation or pattern:
- What does conflict look like? What do you do? What do they do?
- When hurt or disconnected, what's your first impulse?
- When you need something from someone close, how do you approach it?
- Have you noticed this dynamic before with other people?

**Step 2 — Map to the four styles.**

| Style | Core belief | Characteristic behavior |
|-------|-------------|------------------------|
| **Secure** | I'm worthy; others are reliably available | Comfortable with intimacy, recovers from ruptures |
| **Anxious (Preoccupied)** | I must work to secure love | Hypervigilant to rejection, escalates under stress, needs reassurance |
| **Avoidant (Dismissing)** | Closeness is dangerous | Withdraws when intense, minimizes own needs, values independence |
| **Disorganized (Fearful-Avoidant)** | I want closeness AND fear it | Oscillates between approach and retreat, high reactivity |

**Step 3 — Name the triggers.** Each style has characteristic activating situations.

**Step 4 — Map the coping mechanism.** Anxious = pursue/escalate. Avoidant = withdraw/minimize. Disorganized = freeze/approach-retreat.

**Step 5 — Identify the relational dynamic.** Common pattern: anxious + avoidant creates pursuer-distancer cycle where each person's coping activates the other's fear.

**Step 6 — Name the growth path.** Specific behavioral next steps, not generic advice.

## Output Template

```
Attachment Analysis
-------------------
Likely dominant style: [secure / anxious / avoidant / disorganized]
Key evidence: [specific behaviors or feelings indicating this]
Characteristic trigger: [what activated the attachment system]
Coping mechanism: [automatic response to the trigger]
Relational dynamic created: [how this interacted with the other person]
The underlying fear: [named plainly]
Growth edge: [specific next behavioral step]
Context note: [if style varies by relationship type, note it]
```

## What Claude Does / What You Do

| Claude | You |
|--------|-----|
| Maps described behaviors to attachment framework | Share specific relational patterns and moments |
| Names the trigger and coping mechanism precisely | Confirm whether the pattern resonates |
| Identifies the relational dynamic being co-created | Sit with what the pattern reveals (the real work) |
| Provides a growth path specific to this style | Practice the growth edge — often slowly, with support |

## Related Skills

- `ego-state-identifier` — when the pattern feels like switching between inner voices or states
- `fear-inventory` — when the underlying fear needs its own dedicated exploration
- `identity-explorer` — when attachment patterns feel tied to core identity questions
- `values-explorer` — when relationship values and behavior are misaligned