# One On One Template > Structure effective one-on-one meetings that build trust, surface concerns, and align on growth and development. Use when preparing regular 1:1s with direct reports or designing 1:1 practices for your team. - Skill: `sethdford/one-on-one-template` (Agent Skill, multi-file: 3 files) - Install (CLI): `npx skillmds@latest add sethdford/one-on-one-template` - Raw SKILL.md: https://api.skillmd.com/api/skills/sethdford/one-on-one-template/raw - Safety review: pending - Works with: Claude Code, Claude.ai, OpenAI Codex - Category: Marketing & Growth - Author: sethdford (https://skillmd.com/u/sethdford) - Updated: 2026-09-17 - Page: https://skillmd.com/skills/sethdford/one-on-one-template --- # One-on-One Meetings: Building Trust and Driving Growth Run 1:1s that serve as safe spaces for honest conversations about work, growth, blockers, and career development. ## Context You are designing or improving 1:1 practice for your team. One-on-ones are the most important investment a tech lead makes: they build trust, surface problems early, and create opportunities for growth. Poor 1:1s become status updates (wasteful), performance reviews (scary), or don't happen (relationship erodes). Good 1:1s are employee-driven, consistent, and focused on what's underneath the surface work. ## Domain Context - **Camille Fournier's "The Manager's Path"**: Regular 1:1s are the foundation of trust between leads and reports - **Will Larson's "An Elegant Puzzle"**: Good 1:1s surface organizational dysfunction before it becomes a crisis - **Research (Culture Amp)**: Engineers who feel heard in 1:1s have 30% higher engagement - **1:1s are for the report, not the lead**: Their agenda, their priorities - **Consistency beats content**: A blocked 30 min every week builds trust; reactive 1:1s feel like performance reviews - **Surface what's not being said**: Great 1:1s reveal unspoken concerns, blockers, ambitions ## When to Use This Skill - You're taking on a tech lead role and need to establish 1:1 practices - Your team is experiencing turnover; you want to improve retention - Engineers seem disengaged or are leaving for vague reasons - You want to improve career development conversations - You're teaching other leads how to run 1:1s effectively ## Prerequisites Before starting 1:1s, consider: 1. **Personal context**: What's your leadership style? Are you comfortable with vulnerability? 2. **Team dynamics**: Who's new? Who's struggling? Who's high-potential? 3. **Organizational context**: What's the company's growth rate? Is there instability? 4. **Your capacity**: Can you commit 30 min/week per report for the long term? ## Instructions ### 1. Set the Rhythm - **Frequency**: 30 minutes, same time every week (consistency matters) - **Calendar**: On _your_ calendar, not theirs (you're protecting their time) - **Format**: 1:1 video call (or in-person if remote-optional); no interruptions - **Cancellation**: Very rare. If you cancel repeatedly, the message is "this isn't important" - **Reschedule**: If it must move, offer 2-3 alternative times same week (not rescheduled to next week) ### 2. Create Psychological Safety Engineer the environment so they feel safe being honest: - **Confidentiality**: "What you say here stays here" (exception: safety/legal issues) - **No judgment**: If they say "I'm struggling," respond with curiosity, not criticism - **You go first**: Share your own challenges, mistakes, learning. Vulnerability invites honesty. - **No surprises**: 1:1s are not where performance issues emerge for the first time (you've given feedback already) ### 3. Start with Them (They Drive the Agenda) **First 15 minutes: Open, unstructured** - "What's on your mind?" - "How are you doing?" (genuinely, not a greeting) - "What's top of mind for you?" Then _listen_. Don't jump to advice. Let them talk. **What you're listening for**: - Enthusiasm or flatness? (indicator of engagement) - Excitement or dread? (about work/project) - Confusion or clarity? (are they clear on priorities?) - Frustration or calm? (what's irritating them?) - What's _not_ being said? (silence on certain topics = concern) ### 4. Surface Concerns Gently If you notice something unspoken, ask: - "You seemed frustrated when talking about the project. What's making it hard?" - "I've noticed you're quiet in standups lately. Everything OK?" - "How are you feeling about the codebase changes?" - "I sense there might be some tension with the product team. What's your experience?" The goal is to create space for honesty, not to diagnose. They own the talking; you own the listening. ### 5. Discuss Growth (Every 1:1) Ask about development: - "What skill are you building right now?" - "What project would help you grow?" - "What's a stretch goal for you this quarter?" - "What do you want to learn but haven't had a chance?" - "Is there a role or team you're interested in exploring?" Growth doesn't mean "promotion." It means: "Are they developing, learning, becoming more capable?" ### 6. Offer Your Perspective (Last 5-10 min) Share what you've observed (gently): - "I noticed in code review you're asking great questions about architecture; you're developing deeper expertise there" - "Your debugging skills are really strong; I'd love to see you mentor others on this" - "You seem to get frustrated with ambiguous requirements. Let's work on translating ambiguity into clarity" - "Your presentation in the all-hands was really clear. You communicate well; consider public speaking opportunities" Observations should be specific, grounded in recent behavior, and forward-looking ("this is what I'm seeing, and it opens doors for you"). ### 7. Be Human Share your own challenges, mistakes, and learning: - "I made a mistake in the sprint planning. Here's what I'll do differently next time" - "I'm struggling with how to give feedback to X. Do you have ideas?" - "I'm learning about delegation. It's harder than I expected" - "I got feedback from my manager that I interrupt too much. I'm working on it" This builds reciprocal trust and models vulnerability. It also shows that struggle is normal. ### 8. Document Outcomes After the 1:1, note (for yourself): - **What they're excited about**: Project, skill, growth area - **What's blocking them**: Unclear priorities, technical debt, interpersonal issue - **What you committed to**: "I'll unblock them on X" or "I'll follow up with Y team" - **Growth area**: What skill are they developing? Review these notes quarterly. Are patterns emerging? Are they growing? ## One-on-One Template ```markdown # 1:1 Notes: [Name] — [Date] ## What's Top of Mind [What did they say was on their mind?] ## Blockers or Concerns - [Blocker 1]: Status, what I'm doing about it - [Blocker 2]: Status, what I'm doing about it ## Growth & Development - **Current focus**: [Skill/project they're developing] - **Next stretch**: [What would help them grow] - **Feedback**: [Specific observation about their work/impact] ## My Updates (5 min) - [Org context: what's happening at company level] - [Team context: what I'm working on as lead] ## Commitments - [ ] [Action I'm taking] - [ ] [Action they're taking] ## Next Focus [What should we talk about next week?] ``` ## Red Flags (1:1s Not Working) If you notice any of these, something's wrong: - **They do most of talking about work/status**: You haven't created space for what matters to them - **They seem guarded or scared**: Psychological safety isn't there; you need to rebuild trust - **You don't remember anything from 2 weeks ago**: You're not listening or not writing it down - **They cancel frequently or seem disengaged**: 1:1s feel low-priority to them - **Topics are always surface-level**: They don't trust you with deeper concerns - **They never mention growth/career**: Either they don't care, or they don't think you support growth ## Green Flags (1:1s Working) - **They bring up career questions unprompted**: "I'm thinking about moving into a lead role; how do I get there?" - **They admit mistakes or ask for help**: Trust is high; they're not afraid of judgment - **They talk about life outside work**: Professional trust extends to personal connection - **They seem relaxed and authentic**: Not putting on a "work persona" - **They laugh**: You're building rapport, not just managing - **They push back on your ideas**: Confident enough to disagree ## Worked Example **1:1 Notes: Alex (Senior Engineer) — 2024-03-08** ### What's Top of Mind Alex is excited about the new feature they shipped ("I really enjoyed building that flow"), but frustrated with deployment process ("It takes 20 minutes and fails randomly"). ### Blockers or Concerns - **Deployment frustration**: I'm assigning this to the platform team; should be unblocked in Q2 - **Unclear product priorities**: Product didn't communicate the rationale for the feature roadmap. I'm scheduling a sync with product lead to clarify strategy and will loop Alex in. ### Growth & Development - **Current focus**: Alex is deepening expertise in frontend performance (did a POC on code splitting) - **Next stretch**: "I want to mentor more; I'm thinking about leading a guild around web perf" - **Feedback**: Your architectural thinking is really strong. The way you framed the caching strategy in the design doc showed great systems thinking. This is a real strength for you moving toward tech lead role. ### My Updates (5 min) - Org context: Company is focusing on profitability; all teams need to hit efficiency targets - Team context: I'm working on Q2 roadmap; trying to get more stability work in there ### Commitments - [ ] I'll intro Alex to platform lead about deployment; ask for timeline - [ ] I'll get clarity on product strategy and report back (by next Friday) - [ ] Alex will draft proposal for web perf guild ### Next Focus - Web perf guild proposal review - Career path toward tech lead (what does that look like here?) --- ## Decision Framework When running 1:1s: - **If they're not talking much**: Ask more open questions. Silence might mean they don't feel safe. - **If they seem stuck**: Ask "What would make this better?" instead of prescribing. - **If they admit a mistake**: Thank them for honesty. Don't punish vulnerability. - **If they disagree with you**: Good. Encourage it. This means they trust you. - **If they're clearly disengaged**: Don't ignore it. Name it: "I sense things might not be great. What's going on?" ## Anti-Patterns & Guards ### Anti-Pattern 1: 1:1s as Status Updates **Description**: Spending all time on "What did you ship?" instead of "How are you doing?" **Guard**: Status is in tickets/standup. 1:1s are for what's underneath. ### Anti-Pattern 2: 1:1 as Performance Review **Description**: Always ending with critical feedback; engineer dreads 1:1s. **Guard**: Balance feedback (both positive and development areas). Build trust first. ### Anti-Pattern 3: Not Following Through **Description**: You commit to unblock something; never follow up. **Guard**: Track commitments. Follow up by next 1:1. ### Anti-Pattern 4: Canceling Repeatedly **Description**: 1:1s keep getting bumped for urgent meetings. **Guard**: Protect the time. If you cancel, reschedule same week. ### Anti-Pattern 5: Dominating the Conversation **Description**: Using 1:1 to give advice or updates instead of listening. **Guard**: Aim for 70% them, 30% you. ## Quality Checklist Before declaring 1:1 practice mature: - [ ] **Consistent schedule**: Same time every week, very rarely moved - [ ] **Safe space**: Reports share concerns without fear - [ ] **Employee-driven**: They own the agenda; you ask questions - [ ] **Growth-focused**: Conversation includes development, learning, career - [ ] **Follow-through**: You act on commitments; outcomes visible - [ ] **Trust-building**: Reports feel known, heard, valued - [ ] **Documented**: Notes capture key points for follow-up - [ ] **Feedback balanced**: Positive observations + development areas ## Further Reading - Fournier, Camille. _The Manager's Path: A Guide for Tech Leaders Navigating Growth and Change_. O'Reilly, 2017. Chapter on 1:1s. - Larson, Will. _An Elegant Puzzle: Systems of Engineering Management_. 2019. Chapter on effective communication and 1:1s. - Reilly, Tanya. _The Staff Engineer's Path: A Guide for Individual Contributors Navigating Growth and Change_. O'Reilly, 2022. Chapters on being heard and growth conversations. - Brown, Brené. _Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts_. Random House, 2018. On vulnerability and leadership.