# Conflict Resolution > Facilitates workplace and interpersonal conflict resolution using Nonviolent Communication and interest-based negotiation, producing a mediation plan, de-escalation scripts, and a written agreement with a check-in date. Use when someone asks "how do I resolve a conflict with my coworker", "two of my reports are fighting", "help me have a hard conversation", or "how do I de-escalate an argument". Do NOT use for de-escalating angry customers demanding refunds - use refund-deescalation instead; for writing a team's standing conflict norms into a charter, use team-charter. - Skill: `skillmedev/conflict-resolution` (Agent Skill) - Install (CLI): `npx skillmds@latest add skillmedev/conflict-resolution` - Raw SKILL.md: https://api.skillmd.com/api/skills/skillmedev/conflict-resolution/raw - Safety review: pending (external: skill-scanner PASS, skillspector PASS) - Works with: Claude Code, Claude.ai, OpenAI Codex - Category: Coding & Dev Tools - Author: SkillMedev (https://skillmd.com/u/skillmedev) - Updated: 2026-09-22 - Page: https://skillmd.com/skills/skillmedev/conflict-resolution --- # Conflict Resolution Most conflicts stall because people negotiate positions ("I want X") instead of interests ("I want X because I need Y"). Positions collide; interests usually overlap. The costly mistake this skill prevents is splitting the difference on positions - a compromise that leaves both parties resentful - when a solution meeting both underlying interests was available the whole time. ## Operating procedure Order matters: understanding must come before solutions, because solutions imposed on people who do not yet feel heard get rejected regardless of merit. ### Step 1: Gather inputs Collect before advising. Label anything inferred as a guess. 1. The parties and the relationship (peer, manager-report, cofounders, family). 2. The presenting position of each side, in their own words. 3. What has already been tried, and how it went. 4. Stakes and deadline - is a decision forced by a date, or is the relationship itself the issue? 5. Safety screen: any hint of harassment, discrimination, threats, or ethics violations means stop mediating and escalate (see Escalation). ### Step 2: Convert positions to interests For each stated position, ask "why is that important to you?" and "what would that get you?" until the answer is a need (clarity, respect, autonomy, predictability, recognition), not a demand. Two people fighting over a conference room (positions) often need quiet focus and a place to take calls (interests) - two different rooms solve it. Do not move on until each side's interest is written in one sentence that side would endorse. ### Step 3: Prepare the opening statement (NVC frame) Coach the initiating party to speak in four parts, without evaluation: ``` Observation: "When ..." (facts a camera would capture) Feeling: "...I felt ..." Need: "...because I need ..." Request: "...Would you be willing to ?" ``` A request is not a demand - the other person may say no, which opens negotiation rather than ending it. **Bad:** "You're unreliable and you clearly don't respect the team's time. You need to start showing up." **Good:** "When the last two Monday standups started without you, I felt frustrated, because I need to be able to plan the sprint with the whole picture. Would you be willing to message the channel by 9:00 if you're going to miss it?" The bad version generalizes ("unreliable"), mind-reads ("don't respect"), and issues a demand - it triggers defense. The good version cites two checkable facts, owns the feeling, names the need, and makes one small, refusable request. ### Step 4: Facilitate the conversation 1. Set ground rules: one speaker at a time, no interrupting, attack the problem not the person. 2. Timebox each opening statement to 2 minutes, uninterrupted. 3. The listener reflects back ("What I hear is...") until the speaker explicitly confirms they feel understood. Do not proceed on a nod - get a verbal yes. 4. Write both sides' interests on a shared surface, side by side. 5. Brainstorm options that satisfy as many interests as possible. Generate at least 5 options before evaluating any - judging early kills the option that would have worked. 6. Choose by objective criteria (fairness, data, precedent, cost), never by who pushes hardest. 7. Agree on concrete next steps: who does what by when, and a check-in date no more than 2 weeks out. ### Step 5: De-escalate when the temperature spikes - Lower voice and slow pace; calm is contagious. - Name the emotion explicitly: "I can see this is frustrating." Acknowledgment is not agreement. - If either party is flooded (raised voice, repetition, physical agitation), call a break of at least 20 minutes - physiological arousal does not settle faster than that, and nothing said while flooded moves the conflict forward. - Bank early agreement: find one small shared point ("we both want this launch to go well") before touching the hard part. - Replace "you always / you never" with a single dated observation. Generalizations are unanswerable; observations are discussable. ## Deliverable Produce a mediation package containing: each party's position and underlying interest in one sentence each, an NVC-framed opening statement for the initiating party, ground rules, a shortlist of options mapped to the interests they satisfy, the chosen agreement with owners and dates, and a check-in date within 2 weeks. ## Do NOT - Do not propose solutions before both parties confirm feeling heard - early solutions get rejected on principle, not merit. - Do not split the difference on positions; meet interests. A 50/50 split of a demand usually satisfies neither need. - Do not let "you always / you never" pass - require a specific, dated observation. - Do not mediate past the safety line: harassment, discrimination, or ethics issues are not negotiation topics. - Do not skip the check-in date. Agreements without follow-up decay in days and the conflict returns with interest. ## Quality bar - Every position has a written interest beneath it that the owning party would endorse. - The opening statement passes the NVC test: observation a camera would capture, feeling, need, refusable request. - At least 5 options were generated before any was evaluated. - The agreement names who, what, by when, and a check-in date within 2 weeks. - Selection criteria were objective and stated aloud, not "whoever argued longest." ## Escalation Safety, harassment, discrimination, or ethics issues go to HR or leadership immediately - do not mediate them. After two genuine good-faith sessions with no movement, bring in a neutral third party rather than repeating the same conversation. For a team's standing conflict norms, pair with team-charter; for angry customers, use refund-deescalation.