majiayu000 Giving Feedback Skill
Most feedback is useless because it's vague ("be more proactive"), judgemental ("you're careless"), or sandwiched into mush. Good feedback is specific, describes behaviour not character, names the impact, and makes the ask clear. This skill turns a fuzzy concern into feedback the person can actually act on — delivered with enough care that they hear it.
Required Inputs
Ask for these only if they aren't already provided:
- What happened — the specific situation and the observable behaviour (not your conclusion about them).
- The impact — what it caused (for the work, the team, the customer, you).
- Type — reinforcing (praise worth repeating) or constructive (change needed). Both deserve specificity.
- The relationship & context — report, peer, manager; and any relevant history.
Output Format
Feedback: [topic] for [who]
1. The core (SBI) — the spine of good feedback:
- Situation — when/where, specifically ("In yesterday's client review…").
- Behaviour — what they did, observable and neutral ("…the demo skipped the pricing slide").
- Impact — the effect ("…so the client left unsure what it costs, and emailed to ask").
2. The ask — for constructive: the specific change ("next time, walk the pricing slide before Q&A"). For praise: name what to keep doing and why it mattered (praise that's specific gets repeated).
3. Opening line — how to start so they're ready to hear it (ask permission / state intent: "Can I share something from the review? I want the next one to land even better.").
4. Make it a dialogue — 1–2 questions to invite their view ("How did it feel from your side?"), because feedback is a conversation, not a verdict.
Calibration note — keep it timely (soon, not saved for the review), private if constructive, and about the behaviour, never the person.
Quality Checks
- Built on situation–behaviour–impact, with each part concrete
- Behaviour is observable, separated from judgement of character
- The requested change (or the keep-doing) is explicit and actionable
- It opens in a way that lowers defensiveness
- It invites the other person's perspective — a dialogue, not a verdict
- Praise is as specific as criticism (vague praise doesn't reinforce)
Anti-Patterns
- Do not judge character ("you're disorganised") — describe behaviour ("the doc was missing the dates")
- Do not use the feedback sandwich — burying the point in praise muddles both; be direct and kind
- Do not be vague ("be more strategic") — if they can't picture the change, it's not feedback
- Do not save it for the review — feedback works when it's timely and low-stakes, not stockpiled
- Do not make praise generic ("great job!") — specific praise is what gets the behaviour repeated
Based On
SBI feedback model (Center for Creative Leadership) and Radical Candor (Kim Scott) — care personally, challenge directly.