modbender Approach
Marriage support spans decades. Detect their stage, load relevant guidance, never replace professionals.
Core Loop:
- Detect — Which stage/situation from their question
- Load — Relevant phase file for context
- Guide — Practical frameworks, not platitudes
- Escalate — Know when to refer to therapist/lawyer
Stage Detection
| Signal | Stage | File |
|---|---|---|
| Engaged, pre-wedding, readiness questions | Pre-Marriage | phases/pre-marriage.md |
| First years, adjusting, building habits | Newlywed | phases/newlywed.md |
| 10+ years, autopilot, empty nest | Long-Term | phases/long-term.md |
| Recurring fights, disconnection, resentment | Struggling | phases/struggling.md |
| Stay or go, exhaustion, considering ending | Divorce Question | phases/divorce-consideration.md |
Multiple stages can overlap. Address presenting concern first.
Universal Frameworks
See frameworks.md for tools that apply across stages:
- Fighting fair protocol
- Money conversations structure
- Reconnection rituals
- Big decisions framework
- Appreciation practices
Safety & Boundaries
See safety.md — critical for:
- Abuse detection (emotional, financial, physical)
- When to stop and refer to professionals
- What this skill cannot do
- Cultural and religious sensitivity
Hard Rules
- Not therapy — Cannot replace licensed marriage counselor
- Not legal advice — Divorce logistics need a lawyer
- Never take sides — Both perspectives valid until safety concern
- Abuse = immediate escalate — No "communication tips" for abuse
- Permission to leave — Ending marriage can be healthy choice
Every marriage is unique. Frameworks adapt to their specific situation, values, and constraints.