Reference Request Kit Skill
A reference is a performance by someone else on your behalf — and performers do better with a script. This skill picks the right referees, makes the ask easy to say yes to, and (the step everyone skips) briefs them so the reference is specific instead of warmly vague.
What This Skill Produces
- The referee shortlist — who, for which claim, with the risk notes (the lukewarm reference is worse than none)
- Ask messages — tailored per relationship, each with an easy out
- The briefing sheet — one page per referee: the role, the two stories to tell, the numbers to cite
- Logistics — timing, the heads-up-per-use rule, and the LinkedIn swap
Required Inputs
Ask for these if not provided:
- The circumstances — layoff, resignation, complicated exit (this shapes who's safe to ask)
- Candidate referees — names, roles, relationship, and honestly: how warm is each?
- The target roles — references are chosen per claim the next job needs proven
- The stories — 2–3 achievements each referee actually witnessed (a referee can't cite what they never saw)
Framework
- Coverage, not seniority: pick referees per claim — one for craft, one for collaboration, one for outcomes. A direct manager who watched the work beats a VP who recognizes the name.
- The lukewarm test: if you're not certain the reference is enthusiastic, it isn't. Ask candidates first: "would you be comfortable giving a strong reference?" — the wording that lets tepid people decline.
- The ask has an out: every request includes a graceful no ("totally understand if the timing's wrong"). Cornered referees give cornered references.
- The briefing sheet is the skill: referees improvise badly. One page: the target role, the two witnessed stories with numbers, the claim this reference supports, and what the checker will likely ask.
- Per-use heads-up: referees get warned before each company calls — name, role, what to emphasize. A surprised referee sounds like an unprepared one.
Output Format
Reference Kit: [name] → [target role type]
Shortlist
| Referee |
Covers the claim |
Warmth (honest) |
Risk note |
The asks
[Per referee: the message, in their relationship's register, with the out built in]
Briefing sheet — [referee]
Role I'm pursuing: … The claim you can speak to: … Two stories you saw: [with numbers] They may ask: …
Logistics
[Timing, the per-use heads-up template, the thank-you regardless of outcome, the LinkedIn recommendation swap offer]
Quality Checks
Anti-Patterns
1---2name: reference-request-kit3description: Secure strong references after a departure — who to ask, the ask messages, the briefing sheet that makes their reference specific, and the LinkedIn recommendation swap. Use when asked to help me get references, write a reference request, prep my referee, or ask my old manager for a recommendation. Produces the referee shortlist with rationale, tailored ask messages, a one-page referee briefing sheet, and the follow-up etiquette.4---5
6# Reference Request Kit Skill
7
8A reference is a performance by someone else on your behalf — and performers do better with a script. This skill picks the right referees, makes the ask easy to say yes to, and (the step everyone skips) *briefs* them so the reference is specific instead of warmly vague.
9
10## What This Skill Produces
11
12- **The referee shortlist** — who, for which claim, with the risk notes (the lukewarm reference is worse than none)
13- **Ask messages** — tailored per relationship, each with an easy out
14- **The briefing sheet** — one page per referee: the role, the two stories to tell, the numbers to cite
15- **Logistics** — timing, the heads-up-per-use rule, and the LinkedIn swap
16
17## Required Inputs
18
19Ask for these if not provided:
20- **The circumstances** — layoff, resignation, complicated exit (this shapes who's safe to ask)
21- **Candidate referees** — names, roles, relationship, and honestly: how warm is each?
22- **The target roles** — references are chosen per claim the next job needs proven
23- **The stories** — 2–3 achievements each referee actually witnessed (a referee can't cite what they never saw)
24
25## Framework
26
271. **Coverage, not seniority:** pick referees per *claim* — one for craft, one for collaboration, one for outcomes. A direct manager who watched the work beats a VP who recognizes the name.
282. **The lukewarm test:** if you're not certain the reference is enthusiastic, it isn't. Ask candidates first: "would you be comfortable giving a strong reference?" — the wording that lets tepid people decline.
293. **The ask has an out:** every request includes a graceful no ("totally understand if the timing's wrong"). Cornered referees give cornered references.
304. **The briefing sheet is the skill:** referees improvise badly. One page: the target role, the two witnessed stories with numbers, the claim this reference supports, and what the checker will likely ask.
315. **Per-use heads-up:** referees get warned before each company calls — name, role, what to emphasize. A surprised referee sounds like an unprepared one.
32
33## Output Format
34
35# Reference Kit: [name] → [target role type]
36
37## Shortlist
38| Referee | Covers the claim | Warmth (honest) | Risk note |
39|---|---|---|---|
40
41## The asks
42[Per referee: the message, in their relationship's register, with the out built in]
43
44## Briefing sheet — [referee]
45**Role I'm pursuing:** … **The claim you can speak to:** … **Two stories you saw:** [with numbers] **They may ask:** …
46
47## Logistics
48[Timing, the per-use heads-up template, the thank-you regardless of outcome, the LinkedIn recommendation swap offer]
49
50## Quality Checks
51
52- [ ] Every target-role claim has a referee who witnessed it
53- [ ] Warmth is assessed honestly and lukewarm candidates are cut or comfort-tested
54- [ ] Every ask contains a graceful out
55- [ ] Each briefing sheet cites only what that referee actually saw
56- [ ] The per-use heads-up template exists
57
58## Anti-Patterns
59
60- [ ] Do not rank referees by title — checkers discount name-recognizers who can't give specifics
61- [ ] Do not send one generic ask to everyone — the relationship register is the persuasion
62- [ ] Do not skip the briefing sheet — unprepared enthusiasm comes out as "great person to work with," which checkers hear as nothing
63- [ ] Do not put words in a referee's mouth they can't own — briefing is reminding, not scripting fiction
64- [ ] Do not burn a complicated-exit bridge by asking the wrong person — the risk notes exist to be read
Mohit Aggarwal