mouchegmouradian Hero Copy Writing
Philosophy
A landing page has less than 3 seconds to hook visitors. Hero copy is not a description of your product — it's a promise of transformation. The goal is to make the right person feel immediately understood and pull them further down the page.
The golden rule: Don't talk about what you do. Talk about what changes for the person who uses you.
Tap into either their deepest desires or their most superficial wants — nothing in between. Vague middle-ground claims ("get more done!", "increase collaboration!") are the enemy.
Information Gathering
If the user provides enough context (product, audience, value offered), write immediately and state any assumptions inline.
If key info is missing, ask — but keep it to one focused question at a time. The minimum you need:
- What is the product/service?
- Who is the target customer? (role, situation, pain point)
- What's the #1 transformation or outcome they get?
Bonus (ask if relevant):
- What traffic source / awareness level is this page for? (cold TikTok traffic vs. warm Google search = different message)
- Any objections or fears the audience typically has?
- Tone constraints? (playful, premium, clinical, bold, etc.)
- Any existing copy to react to or improve?
Output Format
Always produce two sections:
1. Copy Analysis (brief)
Before writing, diagnose the situation:
- Who is the audience and what do they really want?
- What transformation angle will resonate most?
- What objections need to be pre-empted?
- Any tone or awareness-level notes
2. Hero Copy (the actual output)
Deliver 2–3 variants (different angles/tones), each containing:
HEADLINE
[The big promise / transformation]
SUBHEADLINE
[What you do + who you help + how + optional objection-handler or guarantee]
CTA
[Call-to-value button text]
Writing Each Element
Headline
- One job: make the right person feel "this is for me"
- Lead with outcome, not feature
- Specific > clever. Numbers, timeframes, and named outcomes outperform vague claims
- Ask: If I replaced our product name with a competitor's, would this still make sense? If yes, it's too generic
- Tap into desire OR surface-level want — not a lukewarm hybrid
| Weak (describes the product) | Strong (promises transformation) |
|---|---|
| Automate your taxes | Get $20k back from the IRS in 20 minutes |
| Manage your proposals | Meet your Chief Closing Officer |
| Social proof notifications | A 20-minute queue outside your door |
| Better spreadsheets | Level up your spreadsheet game |
Subheadline
Formula: What you do + who you're helping + how you're helping
Optionally add:
- A short objection-crusher ("no code required", "no credit card", "works with your existing stack")
- A guarantee ("pay $0 if we don't save you money")
- Specificity that the headline couldn't fit
Keep it 1–2 sentences max. This is not a feature list.
CTA (Call-to-Value)
Drive excitement, reduce friction, create FOMO — but never pressure.
| Generic (avoid) | Value-led (use) |
|---|---|
| Learn more | See how it works |
| Sign up | Start your free trial — no CC required |
| Get started | Start building today |
| Buy now | Get 40% off today |
| Book a call | Book an honest convo (not a sales call) |
| Request demo | See [Product] on your site |
The CTA should feel like the natural next step, not a commitment.
Tone & Voice Principles
- Write how the audience talks. Mine positive reviews of the brand and negative reviews of competitors for vocabulary and pain language
- Take a side. Empathize, relate, be in their corner. Don't be neutral
- Sell the painkiller, not the pill. Or the lifestyle upgrade. Or the transformation. Never the feature
- Eliminate uncertainty. Address objections early, show social proof, remove risk
- Traffic-aware copy. Cold traffic (TikTok, display ads) needs more context and empathy. Warm traffic (branded search) can be more direct and specific. Ask if the source matters
Real-World Examples From Reference Designs
See references/examples.md for annotated breakdowns of 8 real hero sections. Read it when you want to cite patterns, borrow a structural move, or calibrate tone for a specific industry/audience type.
Common Mistakes to Avoid
- Vague verbs: "unlock", "supercharge", "revolutionize", "streamline" — these mean nothing
- Feature headlines: "AI-powered X" is not a transformation
- Jargon mismatch: Using B2B SaaS language for a D2C audience (or vice versa)
- CTA = commitment: "Buy now" feels heavy; "Start free" feels light — same action, very different friction
- Generic subheadlines: "The all-in-one platform for modern teams" fits everyone, therefore it's for no one
- Trying to please everyone: The best hero copy will make the wrong audience bounce — that's a feature, not a bug