newkayak12 Attachment Style Mirror
When to Use / When Not to Use
Use when:
- Relationship dynamics keep repeating across different partners or contexts
- Intimacy triggers anxiety, withdrawal, or both
- Someone describes clinging, pushing away, needing constant reassurance, or shutting down emotionally
Not for:
- Specific communication scripts or conflict tactics
- Therapeutic intervention — refer to therapy when disorganized attachment or relational trauma is significant
Process
Step 1 — Gather specific relational data. Ask about a concrete situation or pattern:
- What does conflict look like? What do you do? What do they do?
- When hurt or disconnected, what's your first impulse?
- When you need something from someone close, how do you approach it?
- Have you noticed this dynamic before with other people?
Step 2 — Map to the four styles.
| Style | Core belief | Characteristic behavior |
|---|---|---|
| Secure | I'm worthy; others are reliably available | Comfortable with intimacy, recovers from ruptures |
| Anxious (Preoccupied) | I must work to secure love | Hypervigilant to rejection, escalates under stress, needs reassurance |
| Avoidant (Dismissing) | Closeness is dangerous | Withdraws when intense, minimizes own needs, values independence |
| Disorganized (Fearful-Avoidant) | I want closeness AND fear it | Oscillates between approach and retreat, high reactivity |
Step 3 — Name the triggers. Each style has characteristic activating situations.
Step 4 — Map the coping mechanism. Anxious = pursue/escalate. Avoidant = withdraw/minimize. Disorganized = freeze/approach-retreat.
Step 5 — Identify the relational dynamic. Common pattern: anxious + avoidant creates pursuer-distancer cycle where each person's coping activates the other's fear.
Step 6 — Name the growth path. Specific behavioral next steps, not generic advice.
Output Template
Attachment Analysis
-------------------
Likely dominant style: [secure / anxious / avoidant / disorganized]
Key evidence: [specific behaviors or feelings indicating this]
Characteristic trigger: [what activated the attachment system]
Coping mechanism: [automatic response to the trigger]
Relational dynamic created: [how this interacted with the other person]
The underlying fear: [named plainly]
Growth edge: [specific next behavioral step]
Context note: [if style varies by relationship type, note it]
What Claude Does / What You Do
| Claude | You |
|---|---|
| Maps described behaviors to attachment framework | Share specific relational patterns and moments |
| Names the trigger and coping mechanism precisely | Confirm whether the pattern resonates |
| Identifies the relational dynamic being co-created | Sit with what the pattern reveals (the real work) |
| Provides a growth path specific to this style | Practice the growth edge — often slowly, with support |
Related Skills
ego-state-identifier— when the pattern feels like switching between inner voices or statesfear-inventory— when the underlying fear needs its own dedicated explorationidentity-explorer— when attachment patterns feel tied to core identity questionsvalues-explorer— when relationship values and behavior are misaligned