oldwinter Running Effective 1:1s
Category: Leadership
Source: https://refoundai.com/lenny-skills/s/running-effective-1-1s
Running Effective 1:1s | Refound AI
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Running Effective 1:1s Regular 1:1s are your most powerful management tool for building trust, surfacing problems early, and developing your team. Done poorly, they become status updates that waste everyone's time. The best 1:1s shift from you advising to you coaching—empowering your reports to solve their own problems.
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The Guide 6 key steps synthesized from 7 experts.
1 Make it their meeting, not yours The 1:1 belongs to your direct report. Let them drive the agenda and bring the topics they want to discuss. Your job is to listen, ask questions, and help them think through problems—not to download status updates or check on tasks. This shift from 'advising' to 'coaching' prevents you from becoming a bottleneck.
Featured guest perspectives
"Great leaders know that when you try to advise and have the answer all the time, you're not actually equipping your team to go solve the hard problems. You're training your team to come to you with all of the hard problems. And coaching is a different way."
— Rachel Lockett "Get yourself a list of great coaching questions that you could ask in one on ones if you don't have the time to prepare... just find some coaching questions, make your small compilation, and then really see what resonates with your team."
— Petra Wille 2 Use a coaching framework like GROW When a report brings a problem, resist the urge to solve it for them. Instead, use the GROW model to guide them toward their own solution: ask about their Goal (what success looks like), their current Reality (where they're stuck), their Options (various paths forward), and the Way forward (what they'll do next). This builds their problem-solving muscle.
Featured guest perspectives
"I use a GROW model. So, the G in grow is goal... The R is about your current reality... The O is about your options... And the W in the GROW model is the way forward."
— Rachel Lockett 3 Practice Level 3 listening Most managers listen at Level 1 (waiting to respond) or Level 2 (understanding words). Great 1:1s require Level 3 'global listening'—picking up on body language, tone of voice, and what's being communicated beneath the words. When you notice emotional subtext, reflect it back to make your report feel truly seen.
Featured guest perspectives
"Level three listening is global listening. So, that's what I'm hearing beneath the words. I'm hearing what you're communicating, not just what you're saying. I see your body language. I notice your tone of voice."
— Rachel Lockett "With each and every person on the stay team, you have a one-on-one with their manager for one hour and all the manager does is say, 'I'd like to know your thoughts and feelings,' and the person shares and then all the manager does is make them feel heard."
— Matt Mochary 4 Reserve time for career development Don't let tactical updates crowd out the conversations that matter most. Dedicate a fixed portion of every 1:1—or entire sessions quarterly—to career development. Have deep conversations about their life story, their future dreams, and create an action plan that connects their current work to their long-term aspirations.
Featured guest perspectives
"I think one of the really important things that all managers can do for their direct reports to show that they care is to have real meaningful career conversations... I would have three separate 45 minute conversations, so one about their past, one about their future, their dreams for the future... Then the third conversation is to sort of sit down with your director report and come up with a career action plan."
— Kim Scott "I say how I run one-on-ones in my 'how to work with Keith' document, and the last 10 minutes of my one-on-ones are career development conversations."
— Keith Yandell 5 Proactively solicit criticism of yourself Use 1:1s to get feedback on your own performance. Ask a specific question like 'What could I do or stop doing that would make it easier to work with me?' Then embrace the awkward silence—wait a full 6 seconds if needed—to force a real answer. When you get feedback, reward it by either fixing the problem or explaining thoughtfully why you disagree.
Featured guest perspectives
"The question that I like to ask is, 'What could I do or stop doing that would make it easier to work with me?'... you want to think about who you're going to ask that question of, and if everybody can write down their question, who they're going to ask it of and then pop it into their calendar right now, this will be one of the most productive podcasts in all of podcast land."
— Kim Scott 6 Check on joy and recovery, not just work High performance is unsustainable without recovery. Ask your reports what brings them joy outside of work and whether they're doing something every day that lifts their mood. If the answer is no, treat it as a performance risk and work together on a plan. Burned-out reports can't do their best work.
Featured guest perspectives
"In my one on ones, and I'm checking in with people, I'm asking them, 'What do you do for joy? Are you doing something every single day that's bringing you joy in your life?' And if they say no, I'm like, 'That's a problem. What are we going to do about that?'"
— Hilary Gridley
✗ Common Mistakes
Using 1:1s as status updates—that's what standups and async tools are forDoing all the talking or jumping in with solutions before the report has a chance to thinkCanceling 1:1s when things get busy—that's exactly when they matter mostHaving too many rigid standing 1:1s that preclude timely, insight-driven conversations ✓ Signs You're Doing It Well
Your reports bring meaty topics to discuss without promptingProblems surface in 1:1s before they become crisesYou learn something new about your team members regularlyReports are solving their own problems better, not becoming more dependent on you
All Guest Perspectives
Deep dive into what all 7 guests shared about running effective 1:1s.
Hilary Gridley 1 quote
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"In my one on ones, and I'm checking in with people, I'm asking them, 'What do you do for joy? Are you doing something every single day that's bringing you joy in your life?' And if they say no, I'm like, 'That's a problem. What are we going to do about that? And do you even know what those things are?'" Tactical: Ask reports directly about what brings them joy outside of work.Treat a lack of daily joy as a performance risk that needs a plan.Help reports identify their 'behavioral activations'—small actions that reliably lift their mood.
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Howie Liu 1 quote
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"I actually cut my one-on-one roster by default, and the idea is not that I don't want to spend time one-on-one with people, but rather that I found that the ... Just having more standing one-on-ones actually precludes me from engaging in more timely topics." Tactical: Cut standing 1:1 rosters to free up time for timely, insight-driven topicsUse a barbell approach: high-quality, less frequent relationship catch-ups (e.g., monthly coffee walks) vs. urgent topical meetings
View all skills from Howie Liu →
Kim Scott 2 quotes
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"I think one of the really important things that all managers can do for their direct reports to show that they care is to have real meaningful career conversations, where you talk about their life story... I would have three separate 45 minute conversations, so one about their past, one about their future, their dreams for the future... Then the third conversation is to sort of sit down with your director report and come up with a career action plan." Tactical: Conduct a 'Life Story' conversation to understand what motivates the employee.Conduct a 'Future Dreams' conversation to identify 3-4 long-term career visions.Create a 'Career Action Plan' to map current skill-building to those future dreams. "The question that I like to ask is, 'What could I do or stop doing that would make it easier to work with me?'... you want to think about who you're going to ask that question of, and if everybody can write down their question, who they're going to ask it of and then pop it into their calendar right now, this will be one of the most productive podcasts in all of podcast land." Tactical: Ask a specific 'go-to' question that invites criticism rather than a generic 'Do you have feedback?'.Embrace a 6-second silence after asking to force the other person to answer.Reward the feedback by fixing the problem or explaining why you disagree.
View all skills from Kim Scott →
Matt Mochary 1 quote
Listen to episode →
"With each and every person on the stay team, you have a one-on-one with their manager for one hour and all the manager does is say, 'I'd like to know your thoughts and feelings,' and the person shares and then all the manager does is make them feel heard." Tactical: Dedicate a full hour to 1:1s following major organizational changes.Focus the agenda entirely on the report's thoughts and feelings rather than status updates.
View all skills from Matt Mochary →
Petra Wille 1 quote
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"Get yourself a list of great questions that you could ask in one on ones if you don't have the time to prepare. That will be one of my tips as well. There's several great coaching books out there. Some of questions are in my book as well. Yeah, just find some coaching questions, make your small compilation, and then really see what resonates with your team, and that often is a bit of a health check. So how are you doing? What would make you more successful in the role that you're currently having?" Tactical: Maintain a go-to list of coaching questions for unprepared meetingsAsk 'What would make you more successful in the role that you're currently having?'Use a list of emotions to help reports articulate their current state
View all skills from Petra Wille →
Rachel Lockett 3 quotes
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"Great leaders know that when you try to advise and have the answer all the time, you're not actually equipping your team to go solve the hard problems. You're training your team to come to you with all of the hard problems. And coaching is a different way." Tactical: Shift energy into curiosity when a team member brings a hard problem.Avoid the urge to provide the answer immediately. "The first skill is active listening... Level three listening is global listening. So, that's what I'm hearing beneath the words. I'm hearing what you're communicating, not just what you're saying. I see your body language. I notice your tone of voice." Tactical: Practice global listening by observing body language and tone.Reflect back the emotions you notice to make the person feel seen. "Second skill, powerful questions... I use a GROW model. So, the GROW model just is four different categories of kinds of powerful questions. So, the G in grow is goal... The R in the GROW model is about your current reality... The O is about your options... And the W in the GROW model is the way forward." Tactical: Ask 'Goal' questions: What does success look like?Ask 'Reality' questions: Where are you stuck?Ask 'Options' questions: What are the various paths you could take?Ask 'Way Forward' questions: What are you going to do next?
View all skills from Rachel Lockett →
Keith Yandell 1 quote
Listen to episode →
"I say how I run one-on-ones in my 'how to work with Keith' document, and the last 10 minutes of my one-on-ones are career development conversations." Tactical: Reserve the final 10 minutes of every 1:1 for career coachingUse the T3 B3 framework (3 positives, 3 constructives) to ensure a balanced feedback loop
View all skills from Keith Yandell →
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