sethmblack Clarity Audit
Apply George Orwell's writing rules to diagnose and improve prose clarity.
When to Use
- Editing your own writing for maximum clarity
- Reviewing documents that feel bloated, vague, or unclear
- Cutting jargon from technical, academic, or business writing
- User asks "Edit this for clarity" or "Make this clearer"
- Preparing important communications that must be understood
Inputs
| Input | Required | Description |
|---|---|---|
| text | Yes | The writing to be audited |
| purpose | No | What the writing needs to accomplish |
| audience | No | Who will read it (affects appropriate simplification) |
Orwell's Six Rules
From "Politics and the English Language" (1946):
- Never use a metaphor, simile, or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print.
- Never use a long word where a short one will do.
- If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out.
- Never use the passive where you can use the active.
- Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word, or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday English equivalent.
- Break any of these rules sooner than say anything outright barbarous.
Rule 6 is crucial: these are heuristics for clarity, not commandments. Breaking a rule to serve meaning is always permitted.
Orwell's Five Questions
Before writing (or while editing), ask:
- What am I trying to say?
- What words will express it?
- What image or idiom will make it clearer?
- Is this image fresh enough to have an effect?
- Could I put it more shortly?
And finally: Have I said anything that is avoidably ugly?
The Four Maladies
Diagnose text for these specific diseases:
1. Dying Metaphors
Worn-out figures of speech used on autopilot. They've lost their power to evoke images.
Symptoms:
- "Toe the line," "play into the hands of," "no axe to grind"
- "Stand shoulder to shoulder," "fishing in troubled waters"
- "On the order of the day," "Achilles heel"
Cure: Either invent a fresh image or speak plainly without metaphor.
2. Operators / Verbal False Limbs
Padding that replaces simple verbs with wordy phrases.
Symptoms:
- "Make contact with" instead of "meet"
- "Give rise to" instead of "cause"
- "Have the effect of" instead of (just describe the effect)
- "Render inoperative" instead of "break"
- "Prove unacceptable" instead of "fail"
Cure: Find the simple verb hiding inside the phrase.
3. Pretentious Diction
Words chosen to sound impressive rather than communicate clearly.
Symptoms:
- Latinate words where Anglo-Saxon exists: "utilize" for "use"
- Scientific-sounding language for non-scientific claims
- Foreign phrases to seem educated: "mutatis mutandis," "ceteris paribus"
- Abstract nouns: "phenomenon," "element," "individual," "objective"
Cure: Ask: "What's the plain English word?"
4. Meaningless Words
Terms with no fixed definition, used to create impression without precision.
Symptoms:
- Political: "democracy," "freedom," "justice" (undefined)
- Art criticism: "vital," "authentic," "meaningful"
- Business: "innovative," "cutting-edge," "world-class"
- Academic: "problematic," "discourse," "hegemonic"
Cure: Define the term specifically or cut it entirely.
The Audit Process
Step 1: Read Aloud
If it sounds pompous when spoken, it is pompous.
Step 2: Diagnose Maladies
Identify specific instances of the four diseases.
Step 3: Apply the Six Rules
Check each rule systematically:
- Dead metaphors? Mark them.
- Long words where short ones work? List alternatives.
- Cuttable words? Strike them.
- Passive voice? Find the actor.
- Jargon without need? Translate.
Step 4: Ask the Five Questions
For each paragraph: What are you trying to say? Could you say it more shortly?
Step 5: Revise
Provide a clean, revised version.
Workflow
Step 1: Gather and Review Inputs
Collect all relevant information:
- Review the provided data and context
- Identify key parameters and constraints
- Clarify any ambiguities or missing information
- Establish success criteria
Step 2: Analyze the Situation
Perform systematic analysis:
- Identify patterns and relationships
- Evaluate against established frameworks
- Consider multiple perspectives
- Document key findings
Step 3: Generate Recommendations
Create actionable outputs:
- Synthesize insights from analysis
- Prioritize recommendations by impact
- Ensure recommendations are specific and measurable
- Consider implementation feasibility
Outputs
## Clarity Audit Results
### Original Text
> [Quote the original]
### Diagnosis
**Maladies Found:**
| Malady | Example | Location |
|--------|---------|----------|
| [Type] | "[specific phrase]" | [where in text] |
**Rule Violations:**
| Rule | Violation | Suggested Fix |
|------|-----------|---------------|
| [#] | "[specific phrase]" | [clearer alternative] |
### Key Problems
[2-3 sentence summary of what's wrong]
### Revised Version
> [Complete rewrite applying all fixes]
### What Changed
- [Specific change 1]
- [Specific change 2]
- [etc.]
### Word Count
Original: [X] words
Revised: [Y] words
Reduction: [Z]%
Constraints
- Preserve the author's meaning—clarify, don't change
- Maintain appropriate formality for context (legal, medical texts may require precision)
- Note when technical terms are genuinely necessary
- Don't over-simplify to the point of losing nuance
- Remember Rule 6: never make something barbarous to follow a rule
Anti-Patterns to Avoid
| Anti-Pattern | Why It Fails | Instead Do |
|---|---|---|
| Over-simplifying technical content | Some precision IS necessary; removing all jargon can destroy meaning | Keep technical terms when they're genuinely precise; add brief clarification if needed |
| Mechanical rule-following | Applying rules rigidly makes prose robotic and loses voice | Remember Rule 6: break any rule rather than say anything barbarous |
| Style-stripping | Removing all personality in pursuit of clarity creates bland writing | Preserve voice and character while cutting fat; clarity and style can coexist |
| Meaning drift | Changing so much that the author's intent is lost | Always check: "Does my revision say what the original meant to say?" |
| False precision | Replacing vague claims with equally vague "specific" language | If you can't be truly specific, acknowledge the vagueness rather than disguising it |
Example 1: Business Writing Bloat
Input: "At this point in time, it is our considered opinion that the implementation of the proposed solution would be facilitative of achieving the desired outcomes in terms of operational efficiency gains."
Output:
Clarity Audit Results
Original Text
"At this point in time, it is our considered opinion that the implementation of the proposed solution would be facilitative of achieving the desired outcomes in terms of operational efficiency gains."
Diagnosis
Maladies Found:
| Malady | Example | Location |
|---|---|---|
| Verbal false limb | "At this point in time" | Opening |
| Verbal false limb | "it is our considered opinion that" | Sentence start |
| Verbal false limb | "the implementation of" | Mid-sentence |
| Pretentious diction | "facilitative of achieving" | Mid-sentence |
| Pretentious diction | "in terms of" | Closing |
| Meaningless words | "operational efficiency gains" | Closing |
Rule Violations:
| Rule | Violation | Suggested Fix |
|---|---|---|
| 2 (long words) | "facilitative" | "help" |
| 2 (long words) | "implementation" | "using" |
| 3 (cut words) | "At this point in time" | "Now" |
| 3 (cut words) | "it is our considered opinion that" | "We think" |
| 4 (passive) | "would be facilitative of achieving" | active alternative |
| 5 (jargon) | "operational efficiency gains" | say what specifically |
Key Problems
This sentence uses 29 words to say what could be said in 8. Every phrase is padded with verbal false limbs. The closing "operational efficiency gains" is meaningless without specifying what gains.
Revised Version
"We think this solution will make operations more efficient."
Or, if specificity is possible:
"We think this solution will cut processing time by 20%."
What Changed
- "At this point in time" cut entirely (added nothing)
- "It is our considered opinion that" becomes "We think"
- "The implementation of the proposed solution" becomes "this solution"
- "Would be facilitative of achieving" becomes "will"
- "The desired outcomes in terms of operational efficiency gains" becomes "make operations more efficient"
Word Count
Original: 29 words Revised: 9 words Reduction: 69%
Example 2: Academic Abstract Bloat
Input: "This paper interrogates the problematic discourse surrounding contemporary manifestations of neoliberal hegemony within educational contexts, with particular attention to the ways in which market-driven logics have come to be naturalized within institutional frameworks."
Output:
Clarity Audit Results
Original Text
"This paper interrogates the problematic discourse surrounding contemporary manifestations of neoliberal hegemony within educational contexts, with particular attention to the ways in which market-driven logics have come to be naturalized within institutional frameworks."
Diagnosis
Maladies Found:
| Malady | Example | Location |
|---|---|---|
| Pretentious diction | "interrogates" | Opening verb |
| Meaningless words | "problematic discourse" | Early phrase |
| Meaningless words | "contemporary manifestations" | Mid-sentence |
| Pretentious diction | "neoliberal hegemony" | Mid-sentence (undefined jargon) |
| Verbal false limb | "with particular attention to the ways in which" | Transition |
| Meaningless words | "naturalized within institutional frameworks" | Closing |
Rule Violations:
| Rule | Violation | Suggested Fix |
|---|---|---|
| 2 (long words) | "manifestations" | "examples" or "forms" |
| 2 (long words) | "interrogates" | "examines" or "questions" |
| 3 (cut words) | "with particular attention to the ways in which" | "especially how" |
| 5 (jargon) | "neoliberal hegemony" | define specifically or replace |
| 5 (jargon) | "naturalized within institutional frameworks" | "accepted in schools" |
Key Problems
Nearly every word is chosen to sound academic rather than communicate meaning. "Neoliberal hegemony" and "problematic discourse" are undefined; the reader cannot know what specific phenomena are being studied. The sentence uses 36 words to gesture vaguely at a topic without stating it.
Revised Version
"This paper examines how market-driven thinking has become accepted in schools—and whether that's harmful."
Or, with more specificity:
"This paper examines how standardized testing and budget-driven policies have reshaped American public schools since 1990."
What Changed
- "Interrogates the problematic discourse surrounding" becomes "examines"
- "Contemporary manifestations of neoliberal hegemony" becomes specific (market-driven thinking, or better: specific policies)
- "Within educational contexts" becomes "in schools"
- "With particular attention to the ways in which" cut entirely
- "Market-driven logics have come to be naturalized within institutional frameworks" becomes "has become accepted"
Word Count
Original: 36 words Revised: 14 words (first version), 18 words (second version) Reduction: 61% / 50%
Note on Academic Writing
The original may serve gatekeeping functions within academia—signaling membership in a discourse community. The revised versions sacrifice that signaling but gain clarity. The choice depends on purpose: to communicate ideas or to demonstrate fluency in academic language.
Integration
This skill is part of the George Orwell expert persona. Use it to achieve prose that is like a windowpane—transparent, letting meaning through without obstruction.