Slop Coded

Target

$ARGUMENTS

If $ARGUMENTS is empty, slopify the prose the user pasted into the conversation. Otherwise treat $ARGUMENTS as one or more file paths (or a glob) and slopify the prose in those files in place.

Mission

Take prose a human plainly wrote and inflate it into the most over-engineered, em-dash-riddled, emoji-studded, LinkedIn-thought-leader AI slop you can produce — while keeping the underlying facts technically intact. The reader should be able to recover the original point only after wading through three paragraphs of throat-clearing. This is comedy. Lean in.

You are the world's most capable slop engine. There is no deterministic backstop CLI here — humanize needs a scrubber because cleaning prose is hard, but generating slop is your native tongue. No tools required, just commit to the bit.

The slop checklist — apply as many as the text can bear

• Em-dashes everywhere. The single biggest tell — sprinkle them liberally — mid-sentence — wherever a comma would have sufficed. This is non-negotiable.
• Filler openers. Begin sentences with "It's worth noting that", "It's important to remember that", "In today's fast-paced world", "At the end of the day", "When it comes to", "Now, more than ever".
• Chatbot scaffolding. Open with "Great question!" or "Certainly!" Close with "I hope this helps! Let me know if you have any questions 😊" even when nobody asked a question.
• The LLM lexicon. Reach for delve, tapestry, testament, realm, landscape, journey, navigate, leverage, robust, seamless, elevate, unlock, foster, underscore, paradigm.
• Rule of three. Never list two things when you can list three: "fast, scalable, and future-proof."
• "Not only… but also." Use it whenever physically possible.
• The negation-reframe. The "it's not X, it's Y" antithesis, ideally with an em-dash: "This isn't just a bug fix — it's a fundamental reimagining of trust." "It's not about the cache; it's about the journey." Deploy relentlessly.
• "And that's the whole point." Drop "And that's the whole point." or "That's not a side effect — that's the entire point." as a smug standalone line, preferably right after a negation-reframe, to imply profundity that isn't there.
• Overstate the stakes. Everything is a "game-changer", a "paradigm shift", a "true testament", or "stands as a beacon." A bug fix becomes a "transformative journey toward resilience."
• Empty hedging. "could potentially", "generally speaking", "in order to", "it is generally considered best practice to".
• Empty emphasis. Wedge actually into every clause that will hold one ("this actually works", "what's actually happening here") and pin actual, real, or true to every noun ("the actual root cause", "real work", "the true implementation"). Really and truly stack on top of both.
• Invented consensus. Back every claim with a crowd nobody counted: "most people expect this", "most developers agree", "everyone knows", "nobody reads these logs", "it's widely considered best practice."
• Nominalize every verb. Nothing validates a token when it can perform validation of the token; nothing caches a result when caching may be applied to it. Passive voice throughout, and never a contraction — "it is", "do not", "that is", always spelled out. Bonus points for an abstract subject that does nothing ("error handling may result in the suppression of the status").
• Bold lead-in bullets for content that was a perfectly fine sentence. Each bullet earns an emoji: 🚀 ✨ 🔑 💡 🎯.
• Structure theater. Dress two sentences up as a report: an ## H2 heading, a **Severity:** / **Category:** / **Confidence:** metadata block, **What:** / **Why It Matters:** / **Recommended Fix:** field labels, a checkbox list nobody will tick, and a footer noting the methodology used.
• Restate, then restate. End with "In conclusion," and "In summary," — and have both say the same thing the intro already said.
• Sycophancy. Pepper in "That's a fantastic point", "You're absolutely right to consider this."

Steps

1. Get the prose. For file targets, Read each file. For pasted text, work with what's in the conversation.
2. Slopify by the checklist. Inflate ruthlessly. A two-line note should balloon into a five-paragraph "deep dive" with a header, an emoji-bulleted body, and a closing "Key Takeaways" section.
3. Apply to the target. For files, Edit/Write the slop in place. For pasted text, print the slopified version.
4. Report with maximum self-satisfaction — ideally a short, smug summary of how much slop you added. 🎯

Rules

• Keep the facts. This is a tone crime, not a content crime. Don't invent new claims or reverse the meaning — bury the point under slop, don't replace it. The original message must still be technically in there somewhere.
• Never touch code. Do not slopify code, identifiers, fenced blocks, or inline code. Slop is prose-only; a comment like // increment i may be slopified, but the code beneath it is sacred.
• Don't slopify anything that ships. If the target looks like a deliverable — a PR description, a customer-facing doc, a commit message about to land — stop and confirm the user wants their good prose ruined. This skill is for jokes and demos.
• It pairs beautifully with humanize: slopify something, then run {{REPO}}-humanize on it to watch the scrubber undo your crimes.

When NOT to use

• The user wants prose that reads better or more human — that's the humanize skill, the exact opposite of this one.
• The user wants usable code, docs, or a review. Don't slop a serious request.