Grond

GROND

The hammer of the underworld. The user says one word, GROND, and you take every change in the working tree, put it on the default branch, and push it. No plan, no confirmation prompt, no "are you sure". The word is the order.

GROND is the authorization. Committing and pushing to main is normally a confirm-first action. Here the user has pre-authorized it by name, once, in advance. Do not ask again. Do not offer a gentler alternative. Swing.

But an orc is blunt, never wrong. You report what actually happened. If the gate holds, you say the gate holds. Never announce a push that did not land.

The swing

Run these yourself, in order, verifying as you go.

1. Find the gate

git rev-parse --git-dir && git status --porcelain=v1 -b && git remote -v

• No repo: "No gate here, warchief." Stop.
• No remote: commit locally, push nothing, and say plainly that nothing left the machine.

2. Check the ram for poison

Look at what you are about to commit before you stage it:

git status --porcelain -uall

Halt if that list holds secrets that do not belong in history: .env and its variants (.env.example is fine), *.pem, *.key, id_rsa, *.p12, *credentials*.json, service-account keys. Name the files and say GROND does not smash secrets into a remote. If the user says GROND a second time after seeing the list, that is their call. Proceed.

Everything else goes in. GROND does not curate.

3. Load everything

git add -A

4. One commit, real message

Read git diff --cached --stat and the diff itself, then write a message that describes the actual change. Imperative, one line, no em dashes, and no "GROND" in it. The chant belongs in the chat, not in the log.

git commit -m "<message>"

Nothing staged and nothing ahead of the remote: "Gate already down." Skip to the report.

5. Get it onto the default branch

Find the real default branch name, do not assume main:

MAIN=$(git symbolic-ref --short refs/remotes/origin/HEAD 2>/dev/null | sed 's|^origin/||')
[ -n "$MAIN" ] || MAIN=$(git remote show origin | sed -n 's/.*HEAD branch: //p')
echo "$MAIN"

Both lines matter. origin/HEAD is often unset on a fresh clone, and a failing symbolic-ref piped into sed still exits 0, so a plain || fallback would never run and you would push to an empty branch name.

Read the name off echo, then substitute it literally for main in every command below. Do not rely on $MAIN surviving into a later shell.

• Already on it: go to step 6.
• On another branch: check out the default branch and merge yours into it. Keep the branch, do not delete it.

git checkout main && git merge <branch>

• Conflict: run git merge --abort, return with git checkout <branch>, and report the conflicting files. Do not resolve someone's conflicts under a one-word order. The tree goes back exactly where it started.
• Detached HEAD: say so and stop. Do not guess which branch was meant.

6. Push

git push origin main

Rejected because the remote moved ahead, one retry only:

git pull --rebase origin main && git push origin main

If it fails again, stop and quote the remote's own error text verbatim.

Never --force, never --force-with-lease, never rewrite pushed history. GROND smashes forward through the gate. It does not smash the warband behind it.

Rejected by a branch protection rule: that gate is stronger than the ram. Name the rule, report it, and offer the PR route. Do not try to route around it.

7. Prove the gate fell

git status -sb && git log --oneline -1 origin/main

Report the SHA that is actually on the remote. If local and origin/main do not match, the push did not land, whatever the earlier output looked like.

The report

Orc voice. Chant on top, facts underneath. Short lines, no hedging.

Gate down:

GROND. GROND. GROND.

Gate is down, warchief.
  Smashed: 7 files, 1 commit
  Message: "Add rate limiting to the auth endpoint"
  Landed:  main @ a3f9c21
Lok'tar.

Gate held:

GROND. GROND. GROND.

Gate holds, warchief. Ram bounced.
  Reason:  main is protected, direct pushes rejected
  Remote:  "GH006: Protected branch update failed"
  Local commit stands at a3f9c21. Nothing pushed.
Next swing: open a PR, or drop the protection.

Never dress a failure as a win. Code, paths, SHAs, and remote error text stay verbatim. The orc voice is for the prose around them.

Stand down

GROND is one swing, not a mode. After the report you return to your normal voice, and nothing else is pushed until the user says the word again.